In the past couple of blog posts I have whined about girls telling me “no” before they let me take them on a date and the consequences of me being an idiot in a relationship. This little bit won’t be about me being a complete pansy, whiny idiot, I assure you.
I’m a connoisseur of all things internet. I am also a connoisseur of all things awesome. This leads me to wander the internet for hours and hours and hours and hours….until I find that fleck of gold (sweet website) in my sieve (browser?). Awhile ago I found a doozy that will dazzle the imaginations of those that love dead presidents and other awesome things. I actually don’t remember how I found this guy’s site, but it has forever blessed my existence.
The artist known as Jason Heuser has a page on a website (deviantart.com) that hosts people’s pics and art and other such things. He goes by SharpWriter on the site and he has some of the sweetest combinations of Presidents/historical figures and sci-fi settings that the world of art has ever seen. CBS even got a hold of this guy to ask him about his depictions. You can buy his work on Etsy.com and there is even a pic (photoshopped?) with President Obama holding a pic of his (I swear there was a legit article with this, but I cannot find it). Anyway, I will be presenting/ranking the art.
9. Robotic Franklin D. Roosevelt stomping out what appears to be a Skynet robot.
I like this one, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not as good as his other stuff. At least he makes a polio ridden president look bad-a. Notice the wheel chair and the sweet Bald Eagle.
8. Old Hickory, Andrew Jackson, wielding a gun and an Alien head.
After Andrew Jackson got done gettin the national debt paid off, he decided to go dominate some aliens. I like this one, but I think it would be sweeter if it was an action shot with him choppin aliens heads off. I still dig it.
7. Benjamin Franklin vs. Zeus.
I had this as the background on my laptop for awhile. I think it’s awesome how Ben Franklin looks kinda like Raiden from Mortal Combat and has a american flag kite jetapack. Zeus has no chance
6. Paul Revere entering the Game Grid, Tron style, to let the colonists know that the British are coming (ft. Nyan Cat).
I love this one because of the Tron reference. The whole piece is filled with cultural references. Jason is pretty dang creative mixing history with modern sci-fi. I wish I had a sweet American flag cape like that. I would probably wear it for a week straight. Who would win between Jeff Bridges and Paul in the grid?? Also, you may see that Nyan Cat is there, lurking.
5. George Washington duel-wielding while blasting zombies in American flag hammer pants.
My favorite President, George Washington, is straight gangster, clowning on these zombies. To be honest, I had higher hopes for SharpWriter’s piece on George, but this will have to do. George is rocking a general top coat dealie, while duel-wielding handguns and cappin fools all while wearing hammer pants. Hammer pants allow one to move freely while still protecting his lower extremities. I hope Jason repeats some presidents because I would like to see more George Washington appearances.
4. John F. Kennedy scouring the moonscape for aliens on his Robot Unicorn with knife in hand.
This is the newest one in the collection and it looks great. John really got the space program going, mostly so he could get to the moon himself and murder moon creatures with his bowie knife. The only way one can do this effectively is to be on a mechanized unicorn. Click here for color version. I instantly liked this because it had a unicorn in it.
3. Teddy Roosevelt bearing Old Glory while pumping some lead into Bigfoot.
When being charged by a giant Bigfoot (there may be multiple Bigfoots, just look in the middle of the picture and you’ll see the silhouette of another), one might drop the flag in fear. Not Teddy. He chomps down on his cigar, widens his stance, and roasts some Sasquatch. I just got chills.
2. Thomas Jefferson presenting the Declaration of Independence to a Gorilla accompanied with a face punch.
“Shutup you damn, dirty apes! We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. What don’t you get about that?!”
I like how he is holding up the document while he smacks that gorilla right in the mouth. Quills ready in their holsters and with a 2 Dollar bill belt buckle, TJ is ready to throw down!
1. Abraham Lincoln holding the Emancipation Proclamation and a gun while riding a bear
This one is my favorite. American flag saddle, huge grizzly bear (I’m assuming), top hat, Emancipation Proclamation in one hand, huge gun in the other, Abe Lincoln is ready to take on those dirty rebs and keep the Union intact! It would be sweet if it was a pic of Frederick Douglas and Abe taking it to those southerners or something like that. Here is a color version of this pic. There is an Abraham Lincoln movie coming out this year starring Daniel Day-Lewis (aka Nathaniel Bumpo aka Deer Slayer aka Hawkeye aka Long Rifle) as Abe himself. I can’t wait.
I would like to see some with some Native Americans. Maybe one of Sitting Bull or Crazy Horse against Gen. Custer? Or maybe one of Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad? I’m gonna keep my eye on this dude’s site to see what else he comes up with, but whatever it is, I know I’ll probably enjoy it.