School has started again (had spring break) and with that the inevitable blog post that comes with procrastination.
A few weeks ago, Jason Alexander came to UVU. A running diary ensued.
5:09 p.m. – After debating for about an hour, I decided to skip class to get good seats for “An Evening with Jason Alexander”. This is what I pay tuition for, right? Show starts at 7.
5:11 – A quick Wikipedia search will show that his real name isn’t George Costanza errr Jason Alexander, but Jason Scott Greenspan. Jason Scott Greenspan is Jason Alexander is George Costanza is Larry David. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty interesting.
5:17 – Crowd is starting to show up. Apparently Bill Nye came here last year? They keep talking about when he came. Also, they are talking about Seinfeld episodes like we haven’t all seen them a million times. You people don’t even know each other. Quit being friendly.
5:20 – I’m waiting for my friend Brad to show up. I hope he shows up and tells these noobs to stop quoting Seinfeld. If anyone were to put down these fools, it would be CrzBooRad.
5:23 – The seats are in row 8. Should probably move up a row in honor of George and his future child, Seven. Oh hell, they are watching video clips now.
5:33 – Brad showed up. Now we can fight off these idiots with our blog posts making fun of them.
5:46 – Killin time by listening to “Over the Hills and Far Away” by Led Zeppelin. Got to get the Led out before this show starts.
6:09 – Girl in the 3rd row has a Vandelay Industries shirt on. I didn’t know that really existed.
6:13 – Brad hasn’t stopped looking at his phone since he got here. I don’t blame him–I’m horrible company. He’s probably just checking out the Tiger Wood’s Swing app. Or texting babes.
6:15 – Little do you guys know that Brad’s dad is very similar to a certain Seinfeld character.
6:25 – Some dude just walked by me smelling like pee. I’m jealous of his total disregard for social norms.
6:40 – Well, my math class just got out. I bet they are jealous of me and my seats. That’s what they get for trying to learn.
6:46 – Please let Larry David introduce Jason Alexander. I deserve it.
6:52 – So close.
6:59 – Trying to decide if he should get a standing ovation or not. What if this is Michael Jordan vs. Bryon Russell Part II and George doesn’t show up? Instead, it’s Wayne Knight?!?
7:04 – They haven’t started yet. Brad is about to leave.
Me: “Why haven’t they started yet?”
Brad: “Nobody treats Brad Earl this way! Brad Earl is about to leave!”
7:14 – George in the house! Time for Feats of Strength! Also, he got a standing ovation. Gave me chills.
7:15 – The girl giving the introduction called Jason “very attractive and intensely sexy.” Honestly, that is the only way to describe him.
7:17 – The school apparently put together a montage of his work. Some play stuff, some commercials, tv shows, Disney movies.
7:20 – Two standing ovations!
7:21 – “I’ve prepared absolutely nothing.” Yes!
7:24 – “I was born a poor black child in the same hospital as Whitney Houston. Rest her soul.”
7:26 – “I was a very serious magician when I was 6 years old…I was also 220 lbs. at age 8.”
7:28 – “There is no sight more horrendous than an obese child.”
7:34 – “The script of ‘Pretty Woman’ is completely different from the movie.” Explained how it was supposed to be a dark movie, but turned out to be the romantic comedy it is today.
7:40 – Telling his story about how he got on to Seinfeld. Epic.
7:42 – Story about seeing Larry David at a stand-up comedy club. Little did he know.
7:46 – “Seinfeld tested horribly. Worst testing in the history of television comedy.”
7:48 – “They put us on after Cheers in the 3rd season. The first episode that showed was the Contest.” Classic.
7:50 – “There is no time in anybody’s life where they go, ‘I need an actor.’” So, true.
7:52 – I think Brad is in love.
7:54 – So, he is going to have 2 students get up and do monologues and he is gonna critique them. Those students got rocks. Rocks!
7:57 – “Actors are lazy.” He talked about how actors act for themselves when you should be acting to help the other actors/actresses in the scene with you. Very interesting.
8:02 – “What makes a best friend, a best friend?” We are going deep here, people!
8:04 – “We don’t know what they think and feel. We only know what they do.” When you first read this you might think he is talking about women, but he’s actually talking about everyone.
8:08 – Dan the student is gonna do a monologue. This could get ugly. I have faith in him. Go Dan!
8:10 – “I’m not psychotic enough to think I’m George when I play George.”
8:32 – “Danny [student doing monologue], I’m gonna club you over the head with the microphone.”
8:37 – Almost time for Q&A.
8:38 – Before anyone could ask him, Jason said that he has no favorite episode of Seinfeld, but his favorite line is when asked about why he had relations with cleaning lady, he responded, “Was that wrong?”
9:00 – And another standing ovation to end it! That was sweet. Here is a video of some excerpts from the event.
Here are some of my favorite George moments.
5. George Costanza Does The Opposite
4. George Constanza’s Answer Machine
3. George Costanza routine
2. George Costanza on Lies
1. George Constanza Marine Biologist