Archive for the ‘LDS aka Mormon Church Posts’ Category

I got a red card and was informed I had to talk to the Intramural office before I could play again. I went in to talk to them multiple times, but they were never there. In their defense, I didn’t make an appointment. I ended up missing the rest of that soccer season. I think I missed 3 games total. Not a big deal.

That little scuffle was two years ago. A lot has happened since then. I have toned down my aggressiveness in sports. I grew a beard and shaved it. The Miami Heat acquired LeBron James and Chris Bosh, promised they would win 8 championships, and then lost to the Mavericks in the NBA Finals. I worked in the ghettos of South Chicago for AMP Security (which screwed me out of money, but that’s another story). I met Kelly Hightower (he’s actually a boy. Crazy huh?!). I worked at Anasazi and changed my outlook on a lot of things. A lot had changed in my life.

But none of that mattered to BYU. Rules were made to be followed regardless of the situation.

I wanted to sign up for another intramural team, but before the season started, I wanted to make sure that BYU wouldn’t try suspend me for something I did–and missed games for–two years ago.

I called the Intramural office and went in and talked to them. I went into the office of one of the director dudes and we talked about what happened. I said exactly what happened and told him I knew it was wrong and that I’ve already missed games for it so I just wanted to get this talk over with and be able to play. He proceeded to give me a lecture about the seriousness of the situation. I honestly felt like he was trying to hear himself talk like a Bishop. He also told me that I received 2 other red cards (which I was not informed of ) in the same game. I told him they never told me about those (they were for threatening another player and swearing), but he could care less–he is too busy following every rule ever invented.

I started out saying all the things that I thought that he wanted to hear, but that didn’t last long. He told me he would have to meet with the other directors (I don’t know what they are called) and figure out what my suspension would be and that I should count on at least a one game suspension.

Ex-squeeze me? A-Baking powder? (Waynes World reference)

“Wait, why should I be suspended at all if this happened 2 years ago and I missed games then??”

“Well, it just has to happen.”

“Why does it have to happen? Is there a rule or policy that says so?’

“No, it is a serious offense and that requires a serious punishment.”

“So, if there is no rule that says I have to be suspended, you’re basically telling me that you want to me to not play. Right?”

“No. It just has to be this way.”

“No it doesn’t. You want it to be this way. Or else you’d say “time served, lesson learned, have fun. But have the BYU mentality of enforcing every little thing even when it doesn’t apply.”

“It just needs to happen. We just want everyone to have fun.”

“You also don’t want me to play thus not allowing me to have fun.”

We went on to discuss some other things like me having to pay to be suspended. Why would I pay money and not play? I don’t know if he grasped that argument. At one point in the conversation he told me I was ticking him off (I think it was when I was ripping on the refs for not doing anything). One last time I asked him if he would just not suspend me. Nope.

I left and got a refund.

A couple weeks later I got this letter in the mail.

BYU Office of Intramural Activities is full of clowns

Not only did I get suspended, but I got suspended for the whole semester??? For something I did 2 years ago and missed games for??

I guess that’s what I get for questioning things at BYU and, to quote the late (and sarcastic) Hugh Nibley, “as for the rest, we do not question things at “the BYU”.


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Two years ago–on the 10th of February 2010 to be exact–I got into a scuffle with another male soccer player while participating in a BYU Intramural Coed soccer game.

Little did I know I would still be paying the price 2 years later for what went down that night.

We were playing some team full of poor sports (I would expect nothing less from BYU) and we were wining. I was playing defense and we were always on the attack so I didn’t have much to do. On one offensive push, a player on our team, Carl (not his actual name), was running behind a dude on the opposing team for some reason. They were pretty close and a dude on either our team or their team accidentally bumped Carl from behind. He started to fall and decided to grab on to the opposing player (I will call this player Richard for obvious reasons). Richard got angry quick because “WHY IS THERE A DUDE GRABBING ON TO ME!!!!!! I AM RICHARD AND I CANNOT BE TOUCHED!!!!!!”. At least that’s what I gathered from his actions. Carl fell down and tried to get up, but Richard decided to walk right in to him. It kinda reminded me of what Pippen did to Ewing after he dunked on him except Richard was actually knocking Carl back over.

So, Carl was tryin to get up and Richard kept bumping him over. Then Richard start to kick him and act like he was just walking. I obviously saw right through this. The refs were totally oblivious to everything including ¬†their own existence. Our whole team was looking for them to see if they would do anything. They were too busy picking their wedgies and noses. One of the refs was actually spinning around in ¬†circles while looking at the ceiling. One of the other refs called out to him and said,”HEY! What are you doing?!!?…… Let me try.” And the both started to spin and stare at the ceiling. Meanwhile, there was a soccer scuffle going on.

I stared at the refs and wondered if they would do anything. They didn’t. I decided to be judge, jury and executioner, ruling that this Richard was crossing the line. I sprinted across the field and ran into the dude as hard as I could. In fact, I think I speared him like this. We both fell down (I think, at least I did) and immediately jumped back up. He put his dukes up and swung at me. I dodged and then put him in a rear naked choke hold. I realized it looked like I was trying to kill Richard so I loosened my grip and put my arm more around his upper chest. He screamed like a little girl (no offense to the ladies) and started to punch me in the head. Bam! BAM! BAM! I just took it like Rocky until I decided that I was pissed. I socked him back in the head while still holding on to him. He screamed again, saying, “HE’S CHOKING MEEEE!” I said, “If I were choking you, you’d be out, sucka fool!”

The refs finally stopped eating their boogers and broke up the scuffle. Richard and I got red cards. I knew I would, but I had to do what I did. In the words of Tommy from Coward of the County, “Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man.” We went to the sideline and Richard kept whining to the refs.

“Why did I get a red card? I didn’t do anything.”

“Uh, you hit me in the face multiple times.”

“Shutup man, you attacked me.”

“You kicked my friend when he was on the ground. You better shut your @#$@#!@$%$^#$%”

“Let’s outside right now! Let’s go! Come at be bro.”

“Dude, I’ll get my friends and whoop your [butt]. I don’t care about a fair fight.”

About this time the side ref told us to shutup and I left. I walked away, satisfied that I had defended my friend, pissed at Richard and super pissed that the intramural refs were completely useless. I thought, “This is about as bad as intramurals at BYU could get.” Little did I know that the morons in the office would do much worse.

The End of Part I

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Howdy. I’m Tyson and I’m a Mormon.

During my lifetime (I’m approximately 78.4323 yrs old) I have noticed Mormons in the news. When I was young, it seemed like (to me) that the only famous Mormons out there were Steve Young and Danny Ainge. As I got older Mormons started making their presence known. Mormons are overrepresented in Congress with 15 congresspersons being Mormons. In 2002, the Winter Olympics were held in Salt Lake City where a good chunk of the population is Mormon and where the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has its headquarters. Mitt Romney has been in the media as a possible front runner for the Republican candidate for President. Recently in the sports world we have had Jimmermania and the Davies debacle to bring the spotlight on BYU and its beloved honor code. People on radio and tv shows are wondering why BYU makes kids cut their hair, shave, not drink caffeine (this is probably the most annoying thing cause Mormons drink caffeine and the honor code says nothing about that), not drink alcohol, coffee or tea, and doesn’t let them have premarital sexual relations. Maybe I just notice Mormons in the news because I am one, kinda like when you buy a car and you notice lots of people drive the same car.

With that said, I was hanging out in my apartment with my friend Mitchell Poth the other night. We had just finished up watching some UW basketball action and we were gettin kinda bored. I decided to check out some TV shows on our Comcast On Demand (p.s. Comcast is the worst. I hate it.) when I decided to watch the latest Daily Show that was available. The guests they had on for John Stewart to interview were Trey Parker and Matt Stone. For those of you who don’t know, these two guys are the creators of South Park. Anyway, they have recently opened a show on Broadway called “The Book of Mormon”. They have a little discussion with John about the play and their fascination with Mormons. It’s kinda interesting and as a Mormon I don’t know really know how I feel about it.

Here is the link to the vid of Parker and Stone with John Stewart.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a response to the musical:

The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people’s lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ.

I think this is probably an appropriate response. These dudes, Parker and Stone, while probably not agreeing with all our beliefs, seem to like Mormons and what Mormonism entails, but, like church officials said, the Book of Mormon will change people’s live forever by bringing them closer to Christ and that really isn’t all that funny.

If you have any questions about Mormons and their beliefs, ask me, Mormon missionaries or visit mormon.org.

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I had the chance to go to Conference this weekend. It was just as good as I expected. I am a fan of watching Conference at home but you have to experience going to the Conference Center at least once in your life.
We got there pretty early Sunday morning so I had a lot of time to gaze at the lovely daughters of God and to check out the building itself. I was impressed. In fact I’m impressed with all the buildings that the Church has. Just think of all the meetinghouses, temples and other structures that the Church has built throughout the world. Aren’t they amazing?
Here are a couple of links talking about Mormon architecture and I hope you all check them out.

Latter-Day Saint Architecture by Meridian Magazine: Talks a little bit about some of the Temples the Saints have built and also about some pretty sweet meetinghouses.
Latter-Day Fortresses by Slate: Slate can be pretty critical sometimes. This is a good article even though he kinda talks about the temple being in his nightmares at the end of it.
Temple Architecture (LDS Church) by Wikipedia: Not really an article but provides lots of information including some floor plans for old Nauvoo temple!!! sweetness
www.ldschurchtemples.com: Site with Temple pics, facts, trivia, etc.

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